Cellphone Conversation: Friday, July 31, 2009

I (UP) called Hayley, my neice (HM), and Linda, my Sister-In-Law (LRM), both of whom were leaving Colorado Springs on their way back home to Silverthorne, Colorado.

FIRST CALL:

UP: Hi, Linda!

LRM: Hello? Hello? Are you there? Hello?

UP: (I could hear her) Hello? Linda, can you hear me? Hello? Helloooooo?

LRM: Hello? Darn! (HANGS UP)

SECOND CALL:

UP: Linda, are you there?

LRM: Yes. I could hear you before -- you kept yelling, "hello!"

UP: Hmm? So, I could hear you, and you could hear me? I hung up for no reason?

LRM: Well, we are on a freeway outside of Colorado Springs on our way back home, and there is a lot of traffic. It sounded like you were under water!

UP: OK, well, how is Hayley? Is she feeling better?

LRM: Yes, I would say so. Just blowing a lot of stuff out of her nose.

UP: (LAUGHING) Well, tell her that is a good thing. She taking her medicine?

LRM: Yes. She is taking the antibiotics, the Sudafed and the other thing.

UP: Good. So, what were you two doing in Colorado Springs?

LRM: We decided to take the opportunity to drive down to UCCS to take a look at the school; you know she is a Senior and is actually thinking of going into nursing school.

UP: Oh, really? I had never heard that before! Hell, why not medical school?

LRM: She doesn't want to go to school that long.

UP: (JOKING) Oh, ..... she plans on marrying a doctor, then?

LRM: Yeah, that's what she wants ..... she wants to marry some a****le! (LAUGHING)

UP: WHAT DID YOU SAY? DID I HEAR YOU CORRECTLY? (She never swears)

LRM: (LAUGHING) I just said it for effect; you know that -- it was a joke.

HM: MOM! I CAN'T GET IT TO SHIFT!

UP: Wait a minute! I thought you were driving? So, Hayley is driving?

LRM: NO. I am driving -- she is SHIFTING!

UP: WHY IS SHE SHIFTING?

LRM: So that I can talk to you .....

PAUSE

LRM: ..... and eat my sundae!

UP: WHAT?

LRM: We stopped at a drive-through and got ice cream sundaes. I am driving, talking to you, and also trying to eat a sundae -- and, yes, Hayley is shifting for me. Well, she is also feeding the sundae to me!

HM: Mom, you had better finish this soon or I am throwing it out the window!

UP: Let me get this straight: You spent the day in Colorado Springs visiting a college and nursing school she would like to eventually attend all so that she might someday meet and marry an a****le? NOW, you are driving home, Hayley is shifting the gears -- so that you can continue talking to me on the phone while eating an ice cream sundae?

LRM: Well, it has stopped raining!

PAUSE -- (GUT WRENCHING LAUGHTER)

UP: Oh, well, that is a relief! Glad to hear it has stopped raining! Anything else I should be worried about?

LRM: OH, I HAVE TO PUT THE PHONE DOWN. A police car -- with its lights on -- is coming this way!

PAUSE

LRM: Oh, thank, God, he's going after somebody else!

LRM: The sundae is no longer overflowing; I can handle it now.

UP: Really? Is there anything else?

LRM: Well, we are driving into a lane with orange construction cones. But, it is only an exit.

You would just have to be there; we all really LOVE our Sister-In-Law!